Los Angeles, late autumn 1990
The news wasn`t pleasing to hear. I mean, let`s be honest--this kind of news is not something any 17-year-old would want to hear. I didn`t let my mother see that i was bothered by it. I hated showing any kind of weakness, but this? This news left an ache--a deep one that stabbed thru my heart in just the right way.
I was moving. Yep moving. Not a state away or even a hour away from my hometown. I was moving to a whole new continent. To Germany. Berlin. It felt wrong, and my heart felt heavy, but there was no point in arguing or crying. I would still be forced against my will to move.
My mom and dad where divorced. Well they divorced when i was still pretty young, so i didn`t really take it to heart at the time. It still hurts that i wasn`t able to see my dad because he lived in Russia, practically on the other side of the world. I don`t really think much of it, but sometimes i wish i were with him rather than my mother. I love my mother, but she`s a hard woman to live with. I can`t really blame her--she is sick. My mother was bipolar, and, well... that was pretty much the reason my father decided to leave.
The reason we were even moving was my mother`s boyfriend, Jeff. I didn`t like him much. He was fine, and my mother loved him, but he had a high ego, a stubborn personality, and he wasn`t really a joy to be around. But whatever makes my mother happy. Back to Jeff--he found a good job in Germany, something like a car-making job or selling them? To be honest, I really don`t know. I prefer motorcycles instead.
November 3rd, 1990
I dropped the news on my best friend, Valentina didn`t take it lightly.
"What? Angel, stop--just stop messing with me! What is wrong with you!" she was close to tears. She knew i wasn`t joking and that I was being serious. I didn`t like seeing her cry, but she should save thoes tears for the pillow. I`m not being mean.
"It`s not my fault, Val. I can`t control the fact that my mother is so in love with Jeff that she wants to move to a whole different continent for him. And she said that she wants a fresh start!" I answered. I really didn`t have the time to argue. When i think about it, this whole moving thing doesn`t sound so bad when i look at the kind of people i`m surrounded with.
"Cant you just--stay with your dad or something?" Valentina asked.
"My dad is in Russia, dummy!" I said
"Isn`t he like, rich or something? Just make him move to California or something, please! Please stay with me. I still don`t understand why you have to move a whole continent away!"
"No, Valentina, he can`t move to California for me. And don`t even try to ask me why, because the Soviet Union will be answering that question for you. Now that we`ve made it clear that im moving, I really have to go pack and talk to my dad." I said, hanging up the phone.
Meanwhile, I talked with my mom. She seemed happy. She told me everything about my new school and where we would be living. I knew German from a very young age since my dad decided to teach me another language besides English and Russian. We where leaving tomorrow, so my mom helped me pack.
I even talked with my older brother later that day. He`s much older than me, which is why we don`t talk much. He has a wife and a kid in Florida and a good, stable life. He moved out at 17, when i was barely 3 years old, so we aren`t really close. But hey, it was cool to have someone in Florida for the summer. I wonder if i`m going to go there this summer, judging from the fact that i`ll be in Berlin. We`ll see.
November 5th, 1990
Today is the day. Early in the morning, I heard a loud male voice shouting for me to wake up.
"ANGELIQUE WAKE UP!"
Yep that was Jeff, God, how I hate him. But whatever.
Our plane was at 9 p.m. I had enough time to pack the last of my stuff. I planned to write my dad a letter when i arrive in Berlin so i could tell him to write and call me--from Russia to Germany, not Russia to America anymore. I think it would be easier for us to communicate then. Letters were cheaper, and I couldn`t afford phone calls. They where expensive and rare. I think letters are better. You can always keep them close to your heart.
I got up and went to the living room. My mother was there cooking. This was probably the first time i had seen her cook in a while. My grandma usually does it for us, but since she left for Florida four days ago, we had been living on takeout food.
"how did you sleep, Angie?" my mother asked as she continued to make scrambled eggs.
"Fine," i said quietly. I don`t sleep well because of my insomnia. Over-the-counter melatonin was useless, and anything stronger costed a pretty penny.
"Are you excited that we`re moving? New school, new friends?"
"yeah i`m excited," I said, my voice lacking any emotion.
A few hours passed, and before i could even blink, i was already on the plane. I hated it when time went too fast. The flight was 12h hours long, and we were barely 2 hours in. I started thinking about the new school--if i was going to make friends or find a new best friend. Then I started thinking about what i would write in the letter to my dad, I think he would be happy for me, knowing i was getting a new start.
November 7th, 1990
I`m in Germany! I slept almost the whole day away in my new room. The apartment was nice. It was big, thought not as modern as the ones in America, but it was still nice. My mom was very happy, She had already found a new friend named Marica. Jeff was already working in the car business. He looked happy too-- less hot-headed and much more relaxed.
And me? i still don`t know how I feel. I`m starting school tomorrow, and I can say that I`m anxious. To calm my nerves, i decided to write a letter to my dad.
Dear dad,
I hope this letter finds you well. My life has been very crazy lately. I actually moved to Germany--Berlin. Remember how Mom and Jeff were thinking about the whole Germany thing? Well, they decided that we`re really here.
This is my new address for letters and the new family phone number so you can call me.
The address is Karl-Marx-Allee 142
The phone number is 030 6123 456
That`s it. I hope you call or write back. I wish i was with you. I love you, and say Hi to Sasha for me.
Your sweet girl,
Angelique
November 8th, 1990
There I was , in the big hall of the German high school--Goethe -Gymnasium Berlin. I sat on one of the chairs in the principal`s office, waiting for her to pick me up.
A woman walked in. She was tall and skinny and looked like she was in her forties. She had long brown hair, big green eyes, and wore a formal black pencil skirt with a blue ralph lauren sweater.
"You must be Angelique ! Welcome to your new school!" she said. Her voice was soft and gentle as i returned her handshake.
"yeah...that`s me. i`m glad to meet you." I said, looking at her as i stood up.
"I`ll take you to your class, okay?" Then a student from your grade will show you around the school."
The principal smiled and opened the classroom door, the quiet chatter inside fading almost instantly. Dozens of eyes turned towards me, curious and unblinking. My stomatch twisted.
"This is Angelique," the principal announced warmly. "she`s joining us from the United States. please make her feel welcome."
A few students nodded, some whispered. I scanned the room--unfamilliar faces everywhere.
"where should we seat you, Miss Angelique----" the teacher began, until a girl cut her off.
"She can sit with me." The girl spoke up from the lask desk, sprawled out and chewing gum.
"Is this Heidi being nice? Oh Lord, a blessing for my eyes Please, Angel go sit with her---
and Heidi, sit nicely, please."
A few quiet laughs spread across the room as Heidi leaned back in her, smirking like she`d won something. I hesitated for a second before picking up my and walking towards the back. Every step felt louder than it should.
Heidi slid her backpack off the empty chair with her foot and nodded at it. "Dont worry," she mutterted, popping her gum. "I don`t bite. Much."
I sat down, offering a small smile. She smelled like mint and ciggarette smoke.
"Angelique, right?" she whispered.
"Yeah" I said.
"Cool, welcome to hell."
"Is this school strict?" I asked softly, looking at her.
"Well for me it is...but maybe for you it won`t be, If you`re a nice kid after all," she said, still watching the principal and the teacher ranting about something.
The hours passed quickly. Everyone was kind and welcoming----especially Heidi. She showed me around the school and explained everything to me. We`re neighbors, so she said we can walk to school together every day. I also became friends with a few other girls.
And i guess...maybe this wasn`t as bad as i thought it would be. The day my mom told me we were going to move really did change everything. But change doesn`t always have to be bad, Sometimes it`s for the best. And I`m starting to think that Germany is treating me better than America ever did.
Maybe I didn`t lose a home----I just found the one that was waiting for me all along.