Parents say that high school years are the best years of your life, despite all the hard work. But clearly, their brain knew how to shut up.
Picture this, it's the beginning of freshman year. You're in class, club posters fluttering as the opened windows let in the late summer's wind. The teacher is teaching when suddenly, she pauses: "Hey! You in the back, are you paying attention?" the teacher exclaims as heads turn, trying to spot the individual, who's too busy playing with their hair to pay attention. " The one with the long brown hair and amber eyes."
"Wait, are you talking to me?" I said pointing to myself.
"Yes, you. Winona is it? Start paying attention." She says as she turns back around to the white board and continues teaching.
"Great!" I muttered to myself. It's the beginning of the year and the teacher already thinks I'm a bad student. Or does she think this is just an off moment of transition from the summer break and it's actually too early in the year to get a good idea of the students? No matter, class was about to end so I began to pack up. Luckily, my teacher didn't spot me. She would've gotten mad.
My second class was on the other side of the school, so I had to hurry up a bit. Though, I wasn't the only one rushing to class. There was this boy, about my age. He had glasses and short light coloured hair, your standard nerd. Not that I care or anything. He was wispering something to himself. I couldn't quite catch it but I think I heard him quietly whispering:
"I'm late, I'm late, I'm late." As he speed walked at quite an impressive pace right into my nose. Now yet another person thinks that I don't pay attention. He probably thinks I'm some klutz, or maybe one of those popular girls that act like they're superior and bump into you. And why did it have to be a boy, people are probably going to get ideas. We both fell to the ground. I scrambled to get my books.
"Aren't you going to be late?" I said to him teasingly. His face turned red, and I realised that he gets easily flustered.
"I suppose it's not as bad since I got to help you. It gives me a good excuse."
"And here I thought you were being a gentleman." I said trying to get under his skin yet again. "Well thanks for helping me." I followed up as we both reached for my last textbook. Our hands touched and we shocked each other. Then our eyes met for the first time.
"You have some stunning eyes," he said smoothly.
"Is that your way of calling me pretty?" I shot back surprised.
"Maybe?" he said almost like he was questioning me. But I wathed his face turn red in real time. He was NOT as confident as he made himself out to be.
"Anyways, you better get going or you might be late as well" He said, clearly shook by his previous statements.
"Yeah." I replied back while blushing.
The rest of the day went the same as the start of any school year, or at least the beginning of the years when you're going to a new school. Trying to meet new people while not trying to stand out and are hyper focused on being normal which in turn makes you unnatural. Anyways I'm getting off topic. After school on Mondays and Wednesdays I had chess club, where I met a certain someone from earlier.
"You're here too, I see." I said.
"I could say the same for you." He replied right back. We could both sense the competition in the air.
"Table two?" He asked confidently.
"You're on!" I shot back.
He had to escort me to the table as I didn't know where it was. But if he's new as well how did he know where it was? We set up the game and started playing, though not as aggressively or competitively as I expected, it was rather nice. We had a wonderful conversation, I introduced myself as Winona, and he introduced himself as Nick. And we got really close the week or two after that. It turns out he's also an overthinker as I am, but I think he has it easier. I'm hyper aware of myself and care a LOT about what others think of me. But he just over-thinks situations logically. And before we go onto the next thing, let it be known that I won the match. Somewhere in that time I was talking to a friend from middle school, she wanted to talk about this boy she met who she says "she's in love with" and "wants to ask out soon".
"When I'm around him I just feel jittery and excited when I talk to him." She explained, "and I just get really happy when he smiles." And we didn't talk much after that. But something stuck with me. I'm excited when I'm around Nick! And I'm happy when he's happy. But that's most definitely because we're friends. Friends feel that way for each other. I suppose. But I can't wait to talk to him, he really is a nice and funny guy.
The next day at school I came up to him to ask him for his phone number. It was a Tuesday and we didn't have chess club after school for me to ask him where it's more private, so I had to ask him in a classroom. I couldn't risk someone getting ideas, even if there wasn't anything between us.
"C-could I have your phone number?" I asked tensely. I was unbearingly nervous.
"Yeah alright." He replied casually. "We're friends after all." And I was kind of disappointed? But over what? I got his number, was I expecting something more?
"By the way," he said. And my heart sank. What was he about to ask? Was he curious about the dynamic of our boy girl relationship? What was it? WHAT IS GOING THROUGH THIS YOUNG MAN'S HEAD? "Are you free this weekend? Like, to go somewhere." My brain went into overdrive, racing at a thousand thoughts a second. And in my overthinking I forgot to answer for a few seconds. So he broke the silence and said, "You know, as friends." He probably thinks that I'm thinking that this is him asking me out on a date? It's so obvious with me not answering. It's like he's reading my mind.
"Y-yeah." I finally managed to choke out.
By the time the weekend came it felt as if a thousand years had passed. We had agreed to meet up at the local train station and spend the day in downtown Calgary. I arrived a few minutes early, as I wanted to see him as soon as possible, beacuse he's my best friend at the moment. The boarding platform was like a never ending track with the little shelters sprinkled along both sides. And much to my surprise it was completely empty. Except for one figure, halfway down the walkway. Standing and looking up ultra cinematically. I'm genuinely disappointed that I didn't hire a professional photographer.
"My Lord, I have completed the quest you have sent me out on." I said kneeling as I walked up to him.
"You've retrieved the ancient artefact? Let me see it." He said to fill the role. And then we laughed and compared it to shows we watched recently. We waited at the station for a bit longer and got on the train. The train was completely empty as well. It was just me, and Nick sitting side by side. And just then it set in how much this looked like a date. I couldn't bear to look at him. His face, not changing physically, had an entirely new appearance. This didn't seem just like friendship anymore, but I didn't want to admit it.
The rest of our trip to Calgary was great, aside from the unbearable awkwardness that is. We stopped at a cafe, had a drink and talked for a while. Then we explored the grand city, walked by the famous tower and checked out each other's hobbies. Nick's only hobbies were chess and reading, so I guess he's smarter than I thought.
On our way back I guess I was lost in thought because he asked me, "Is everything okay? You seem kind of distant today." But I couldn't even overthink, I was really lost in thought. My feelings for him were so strong at this point. But it didn't feel real. Normally, from what I've heard, falling in love takes a while. It could take months, maybe even years, which made it so bizarre to me that I could be in love. It's almost as if the writers of my story had to skip progression to get to the climax.
"Yeah, everything's fine." I said, "Just kind of lost in thought."
"Is it something I've done?" He asked with a hint of sadness, or maybe disappointment.
"No, no, it's not that." I'd just rather not talk about it. Nick was visibly troubled but he left me to myself, which was just what I needed.
The rest of our trip back was rather uneventful. All of the excitement had passed and I think that Nick was just bummed out that I wasn't also having fun.
That night when I came home I couldn't sleep. I was too busy reliving the day and cringing at the thought of him seeing me lost in thought and not talking to him. But whether he rejects me or not, I can't live with these unreciprocated feelings. I will confess to him tomorrow.
When I woke up, I zoned out staring at the wall with my stomach twisting as if someone was wringing it. The day seemed to pass quickly as I stared at the clock, hoping class would last just a little longer. Then, the end of the day came along and I walked to the room chess club was being held in extra slowly, checking myself over if I was dirty. I put extra makeup on for such a special occasion and did my hair extra nicely. I opened the door slowly and walked in, almost passing out from anxiousness. But I couldn't, I couldn't live with these feelings anymore. I saw Nick and said hello. We sat at table two, the table were we first got to know each other, shook each other's hand and started the match.
I was white and played the openng move. It started off just fine, mostly just opening up our pieces and advancing them. When I just couldn't hold it anymore.
"Nick, I have something to sa-" a voice cut me off.
"Now what are you two love birds doing?" I recognised the voice, it was one of my friends. But I didn't deny her comment. I only flared up violently as the game got progressively more intense, every move getting faster and riskier. It was to the point were they were completely reliant on Nick's blunders. My mind was racing. My brain had reached sensory overload. It's pure intellectual chaos, chess and love. What would I say? What would my friend think? What would Nick think? No matter, I had to persevere. I started tearing up.
First it was check, and then it was mate. I knocked over his king with my piece. I love you.