A nice bowl of stew, maybe some bread on the side with burn marks from the clay oven still on it, and flour that stays in your hand as you eat it. There would usually be pieces of meat floating around amongst the chopped-up potatoes. And in the end, if we were really lucky, some fruit that was truly a feast to remember. Fire would be burning in the fireplace, nice and warm. My sister would probably be sitting in front of it, as she was always a hasty eater. There would probably be an unfinished scarf or something else that requires knitting in her hand, I sware, if you gave that girl the whole night without forcing her to bed, she could clothe the entirety of Gaza. But even still, those articles of clothing would come out dirty; it was hard getting any materials that weren't already in dire need of a wash, now I would say it is completely impossible. All of out clothes are a testament to that. Clean water was already a commodity, and now... Maybe that's me talking about all of this with dehydration that has gotten to my head, or porhaps it is starvation, who knows? A little bit of both possably had something to do with that, but then again, blood loss and shock are strong contenders for my condition as well.
It was only when I tried to move my arm around to recreate those experiances that I noticed that my hand was gone. I should consider myself lucky to have only that gone, for when I raise my head, the gore of the sight makes me want to vomit. Be it grief over my disability to do anything to stop it, the thought that others refuse to help, or the reality that the perpetraitors are calling themselves righteous. I shall not describe the sceen before me, for i believe it to be too inhumane for a person to see. All I can say in good contiuous is that what was once a city that housed tens of thousends is now but a wasteland. Without exception, everything has been leveled, from schools to hospitals and even graveyards; there is nothing sacred in the eyes of the aggressor. Rubble is all that one can see now; terrorists and radicals were hiding underneath ais all. I can't believe for one second that they were under the entirety of three hundred and sixty-five square kilometers of it, I trully can't.
Through the pain and bussing in my head, I managed to gether enough strenght and stand up. Checking my pocket, I found the food that all of this was for. To think that my life was worth a quarter of a loaf of bread... I refuse to somment any further on that; at least I managed to get a drink of water before leaving, something in me tells me that might ave been the reasson I was still conscious as of this moment.
As I took my first steps, I woundered where I was going. My last shelter was destroyed just yesterday, and have spent the night lying down on the ground, in the best place for hiding I could find, hoping to see tomorrow. Not much sleeping was that night, I can assure you of that.
'It would probably be smarter to sit down and eat what I have.' That was my exact thoought. And what an ambiance it would be to eat then, with more blood on me then in me , and the sounds of explosions with war planes filling the air. All of that, combined with the pain that was only now starting to reach my head, and you have yourself a meal worthy of a war criminal.
Criminal... At least they get a trial before a punishment, and I was robbed of even that curtesy; my crime is being born in the wrong land by wrong parents and nothing more. Could I have chosen that? Was I born a manace, a villain ment to be persecuted for actions beyond their abilities? Already I know the answer, but did everyone else? Only the silent God knows that. Eiter he is unable to see what transpires in his plain or has to ability to intervene, if he is real, there better be an impregnable wall betwenn him and me.
As my walk, or better said, limp, continued, there was a little girl whom I stumbled upon. Her clothes were in a better condition than most, and yet I still doubt that anyone would put them on for any reason other than necessity. He was sitting on the ground with a bunny plush squeezed tightly in her hands. She remained silent even as I approched. Her cheeks were just as sunked in as mine, but she looked a lot thinner than me.
The way she raised her head was hunting, even remembering it sends a shiver down my spine more then all of the weapons I have seen, experienced, and heard ever did. But her voice is the part that hurt the most. She knew exactly what had happened, yet still she said, 'I am waiting for my mother.' She remained silent for a second before before continuing 'It has been two days now, she will be back soon.'
My eyes remaind dry, even if by the sligtest margin. Still, I found myself staring into those eyes, which were begging for meaning in chaos, desperatly. It hurt that much more when I failed to provide any. One thing remained that I could do in that moment. Taking out the piece of stale bread, I handed it to her. She didn't reach for it, so I just put it into the palm of her hand and gave her one last look. Her eyes, at first glance, were unchanging, and yet among the brown of them a glimmer arose, though a negligble one, but still, it was there, I was sure of it.
Thought of just taking my food back and walking away with it crossed my mind, but I coulden't do it. 'Would rather starve then lower myself to the likes of beasts.' Those were my exact thoughts as I turned and continued on my way. To where? I couldn't be able to say. There might have been a miraculous camo just beyond that hill, which would accept me or even something to wake me from this nightmer.
My hope was quickly stopped by a sharp rush of pain coming up from my severed hand. There was nothing more I could do if I wanted to continue than to sit down and do whatever was in my power to stop the bleeding. A couple of ripped pices of already torn clothing later, and It was covered up as best as I could. Never had to do this kind of thing before, bearly even crossed my mind that one day it would become a necessity to know it.
Just as I tried to coninue on my way, I heard a cudtle 'Mister.' Coming from behind me. Turning around, I saw the same little gitl standing behind me and holding up the same piece of bread that I had given her and saying, 'It would be rude for me to take this.'
'You need it more than I do.' I said and closed her arm so that she would keep it.
Without missing a bit, she just split the already minuscule piece of bread into two halves and handed me the bigger one. 'How about this then?' Her voice now sounded like it belonged to the living, unlike before.
Seeing her presistence, I reached over for the smaller piece, which she was holding next to her rabbit, and took that one. 'I'm not that hungry, how about you have the bigger piece instead?'
It was though a thorough contemplation that she seemed to have given up and eat the bread on the spot. Watching that sight brought me immense joy. If I had to lose all my memoried in order to lead a normal life from then on, in that moment, I might have just refused, only becouse I got to see that. It was becouse of that I didn't even eat my piece, just put it back into my pocket in secred, so that this might happen again, even if it may not be her.
As I continued walking, she followed me still. At first, I was confused as to what I shoud do, but then I quickly realaised that even a little company was more than welcome in this place devoid of such luxuries. i slowed down my pace so that she could continue to follow me, which she noticed and timidly thanked me for. The next few hours were spent on looking over my shoulder, not just for my for my sake but for her own as well. 'What am I doing?' I asked myself more than once, but the answer would present itself with a single glance at her stubby walk, which I am not sure whether it was a result of her age or some, for me, unknown injury.
Upon hearing her stomach frowl, I offered her even the other piece of food that she had given me. There were once again protests at that proposition from the girl, but soon she caved in to my persistence. Though I do have to give her that she was a worthy rival in that pursuit. The way she ate was messy; that was to be expected at her age. And yet the way she savored every single bit, every crumb, it brought me enjoyment to know that she was liking the food and despair that it was all she could taste at this time.
'Maybe one extra truck will slip in soon, and she will get benefit from it.' This wish repeated on and on in my mind over and over again.
At one moment, i saw dust rising on the horizon. I didn't know what to make of it at first, but soon it was obviouse to anyone that they were military trucks. Not wasting a secound I took the girl into my hands and rushed to hide in the debris as best as I could. Realising how much smaller she was than me, I dug a bit until I managed to vreate a gap just large enough for her to git into.
'Stay quiet, please.' My voice shook as I took the largest piece of rubble I could find to cover the hole with. With barely enough time left to hid myself, I managed to squize myself into as small of a ball as I could and hid behind a pile of bricks surrounded by other debris.
With the sound of closing doors, my heart rate spiked, but it got much worse when I heard one of them talk. 'These footprints, they look fresh. Everyone, look around, there might be someone there.' I know that most of the time I was stepping on bricks and other things that once make up the building, which now lay flat, yet still, the only thing I could di was gioe that it would be enough to hide my presence well enough in order not ot get cought.
There was four, maybe five, of them; it was hard to tell, reallym but regardless, even if it were only one of them, i would have done the exact same thing as I did. Sat still and wish for every miricle in my life that will ever happen to be sent back in time to exactly this moment.
'Nothing here!' One of them shouted far away; I still sat quietly in my piece. scared to move a muscle, for a moment there filled with panic, I thought that the beating of my heart might give my position away, despite how foolish that might sound to you now.
Their steps continued without fail for what seemed like hours to me, but in reality was probably five minutes or so. WIthout realizing it, I was staring at the hole where I had hidden to little girl. Now she took all of my compossion that quickly, I wouldn't be able to say why, I was willing to run out of my hiding spot if they got a millimeter too close to her and distract them.
Soon, I heard steps coming closer and closer to me, which made me clench my teeth so hard I thought they might brake under the pressure. I didn't hare make a sound. At one point, a fly landed on my face and started to move around, but I did nothing to shoo it away. That was something I was not at liberty to afford myself at that moment. Evetnually, the steps started to get further away as quickly as they came closer. Then my blood froze.
One of the soldiers was staring straight into the pile I had made for that little girl. I wanted to run towards him and do something, but I simply couldn't. I'm not a superhuman; I am just a regular man who has seen and experianced something that was never meant to exist in the first place. It is my honest wish that my cowardness can be forgiven. He reached over and grabbed one of the pieces of rubble that I have placed pver her and moved it as if there was a path to haven behind it. At that moment, my eyes wanted to close, but I didn't let them. 'This is your punishment for not doing anything.' I said to myself,, but then quickly I was overwhelmed with outh terror, relief and confusion. The little girl, she wasn't there. Only the bunny plush remained in her stead, covered with dust as much as when I first saw it.
'There is nothing here. We can go!' Shouted the soldier after holding the toy up to his arms and taking it with him to the truck. They left me soon after and I continued to stare into that one spot for hours ubntil night fell. If I didn't know any better, I would say that I didn't blink a single time in that period. Even when my body started to shiver from the cold, I remamber staring at that place hoping for an answer that never came.
Never again in my life have I seen that girl, and still to this day, I gave no idea what happened to her. Some told me that I was hallucinating or that she ran away while I wasn't looking, most have called me a liar, but I sware on everything that I know that she was there She ate bread in front of me and argued with me, all while a glimmer of hope was all she had in her name, as far as I am concerned that is.
(Natjecatelj ima disleksiju)