The Day That Changed Everything
I am never at peace. My head never sleeps, my heart is never calm and I never stop thinking. Nobody has ever understood me and probably never will. I live in an atheist family that doesn't have the best reputation. My dad is an addict, my mom is kind of a prostitute, and though we all know she has many lovers, no one is doing anything about it. My brothers are literally hooligans. They have each other. And me? I have no one. I'm always alone, but it kind of brings me peace
Every day at school I just look around at everyone at least someone to talk to and I'm all alone. At this point I'm used to it, and it doesn't bother me, but i still feel that I'm not complete and a part of me is still missing.
One morning, I woke up in a pretty good mood, got ready and went downstairs to grab something to eat and I saw my mom and a man talking. I didn't say anything because I was still mad at my mom from the fight we had the night before, and even though it wasn't anything serious, I wanted to show her I'm not a child that will forgive her for one sandwich, at least not anymore. The whole day at school I was just there. As I was heading home, I passed by a Catholic church I looked at every day and for the first time I felt a strange sensation in my stomach.
As soon as I stepped in the house, I heard my mom screaming at my dad as he was just swaying with pain in his face. He held an empty bottle and a puppy in his hands, he was all muddy. I stepped into the kitchen with a confused face expression. My mom just looked at me and continued to speak. But when my dad saw me, he hugged me and the puppy licked my hand. He was drunk - I could smell it - but it still felt felt nice having someone to hug you tightly. I didn't say anything because it would cause me trouble. I just slowly left the kitchen
I sat on my bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering: what is the point? What is the point of living a life you hate? What can I do to make it better? Nothing. My brothers weren't home as usual; their two beds were empty with crumpled up dirty sheets. I tucked myself into my thin blanket, shivering and sobbing quietly. When my brothers rushed in the room, I pretended to be asleep to avoid talking to them. They were drunk and probably high too. They fell asleep as soon as they touched the beds.
The next morning was like every other, brothers sleeping, and parents already gone. As I opened the fridge the puppy came to me - he was a cute mixed breed. The fridge was empty, so I had to starve. On my way to school I passed by the church again when the girls from my class came and poured chocolate milk all over my white shirt. I really wasn't in the mood for confrontation, so I just went with the easier way, ignoring them. I was dirty the whole day, but I didn't care because I would feel equally terrible if I were clean. I spent most of the day in the school bathroom, so no one had to watch me. I twisted my sleeve and saw all the scars I gave myself, seeing them made me want to do it again all until my hands had no skin left, but I didn't.
Outside was heavy rain and I had no umbrella, but I didn't really care. I felt free while raindrops were cooling my skin. Water was dripping down my spine, but the peace interrupted a group of boys when they started chasing me. I was running as fast as i could, but i soon lost energy because I didn't eat anything, I saw the church and in a second, I decided to go in it, so i could hide.
It was a small church with a beautiful altar and painted walls and ceilings. I took my time to look at the paintings. I felt the unknown sensation in my chest again, only this time it was stronger. Small books with a title "New Covenant" were on every seat, so i took one to look at it. The thin paper felt nice beneath my fingers, I started reading a random page, but i couldn't understand half of it. What were those names and numbers? I had so many questions
I heard footsteps and then a soft voice saying, "Child. Are you here for confession?" I didn't say anything, just standing there with the book in my hands. The lady had a long black dress with something covering her head. "Don't be afraid, silly! I'm sister Mary" , she said. I tilted my head looking at her "Sister?" with that question I made clear I had no idea what all this was and why I was here. She sat next to me and for the first time, someone looked me like a human. We sat there for two hours talking; she explained things to me, and I told her about myself. She invited me back the day after if I was interested in this religion. At the end she hugged me, like a real person and I felt loved for the first time in a long time.
When I came home my mom was mad, I was late, but with a wide smile on my face I said, "This is the day - the day that will change everything."
Winter break started and the whole time I was hanging out with sister Mary. She gave me very wise advice to start exploring the religion and maybe try reading the Bible. I started understanding the Bible and the Gospel. Once she said to me "Eleanor, you can do anything you want as long as you stay on the right path" I always keep that in mind. Nobody knew about this, but i feel like those who needed to know - Mary and God-already did.
Months passed and my family still didn't know, even though I changed a lot. My heart was telling me I should tell them, but my mind was just not ready yet. Mary and other sisters told me to tell them when I felt ready, but my heart and mind were not on the same page. I started skipping school, so I could attend theological education, and I felt so complete, like the part of my heart was back to life.
On December 3rd, I decided to confess to my family. I made them a cooked meal and sat them down. While I was speaking, I saw my brother just get up from the table. My other brother was just eating like an animal, not even listening. When I said the words "I will be baptized" only then they understood what I was talking about. They started shouting at the same time. I started crying as they were raising their hands, cussing and yelling at me. I finally shouted "I don't care, I'm doing it!" That was the moment my dad yelled "It's either that or us." It wasn't a verry hard decision to make because there was never an "us" in this house. They kicked me out of the house, all alone! I was running and sobbing-I knew exactly where I was going. Mary was holding me while i was hysterically crying.
The next day I was baptized. During the Mass in front of a full church. I got dipped in the holy water and when I came out i felt born again. I heard God whispering to me "Eleanor, follow me; I am the right path for you my child!" That was when I remembered Mary talking about a 'call from God' and I knew that was it. As soon as the Mass was over, I ran to sister Mary. When I told her what happened she started crying from joy and then seriously asked me, "Do you want to become one of us?" That hit me. I really did want to become like them, but i wouldn't be able to do some things in life. Mary pointed out the fact that I wouldn't be able to have family, but that didn't really bother me - I had learned that family is chaos, and I never saw the bright side of it.
I had to study theology a lot, and I had to work on my communication skills, but Mary said I was on a good path. In a month i read the whole Bible and studied it, so I started to understand it.
It had been two months since my parents kicked me out. High school was almost over, but I dropped out earlier, to focus on becoming one of them. Most of the time my head was at peace, but I still got the emptiness - no matter how bad my family members treated me, I still missed them. My life became great. I had learned that I was never alone, God is with me, I can always talk to Him and He loves me even when I feel unlovable
I saw my brothers on the street for the first time in a while, they didn't even say hi. Maybe they didn't recognize me - my hair was no longer in my face and I wore clear feminine clothes. However, you can't forget your family, it's just what I wanted to be true.
Everyone knew me at the parish; I was at Mass every day, praying, singing and reading. Time was passing at the speed of light. I had found my family and I had changed; I was one step away from becoming a sister - a real sister.
A year later I was so close to becoming a sister, but my parents didn't know. This parish has a tradition to cut hair of the lady that's becoming a sister. It was my day, sister Mary was with me, a Mass for becoming a nun started. I was shaking and my hands were sweaty. The older sisters stood behind us and cut our hair. They dressed us in a full habits for the first time. Putting on a veil on my head for the first time was weird. I was standing on the altar crying, holding the cross necklace and just like that I saw myself, crying and sobbing in my room, trying to figure out how to live this life, and just like that I was blessed.
After the Mass finished Mary and I decided to go visit my home. I was nervous on my way there. As we came on the doorstep, I raised my hand and put it to the door, Mary was holding my other hand and squeezing it. Then I finally knocked. My mom opened the door and looked at me "What happened to you...?" she said with disappointment. But when my brothers saw me, they ran into my arms. I hugged them tightly, then reached for my dad's response. He just stood there with no emotion. After an hour of fighting they made it clear they didn't want to be in my life anymore. I had made my peace with that years ago, so it didn't change anything for me. I felt good
And now I'm here. Six years later a real sister, telling you kids this story hoping you will see what I wanted to say with it: never be afraid to do what makes you happy. In a more Christian sense: it's never too late to turn to God. You are never alone and even when you think everyone is against you, the whole universe is on your side.