The day I turned 13 was the day my nightmare begun. Not really, that's just what I've been told.
Everybody always talks how once you turn 13 and start 7th grade your world turns upside down, but I honestly don't support them scaring me in advance.
I'll rather rot in my bed and wait for such a scary plot twist that's supposed to happen. Thirteen days after I started a such scary age the most scariest and abnormal thing happened ; school started.
I thought I grew few inches because 5'4 never felt this tall but neither was my room always looking this funny, I felt like I was stuck in kaleidoscope I had when I was seven; probably kept it but it is lost somewhere in deep ends of the attic.
My eyes feel asleep but my body was concious enough to sense the touch of my parents taking me to the car.
I was woken up by the sound of doctors talking in the hall. Without a chance to blink once all the questions they had needed to be answered in the same second.
Only thing my mind could think about was all the stories I've been told, maybe we really fall into psychology trick where the fear gets us.
The doctors didn't really know what was the exact reason of me fainting. My dad thought it was the phone, my mum said I don't sleep enough and the doctors said I just needed to take some extra vitamins. Back at home my friends bombed me with "what happened" and "when are you coming back to school" talks. Sooner than I knew it I was back to my school desk and my life actually didn't change much in any way, so maybe it never was something that was gonna change me forever; at least I thought. Only thing that kind of stayed with me since the incident was migraines, the type of migraines where Ibrufen ain't really much of help, where pain felt like one of those childhood movies that were made unnecessarily sad - the same thing was with migraine, it didn't feel like it needed to hurt this much. At school it was hard to avoid comments about me being secretly a freak for expecting something bad to happen at the ripe age of thirteen. Few months later I went to hospital for a checkup. That day I had a really funny feeling, almost like I've been here before and not in deja vu type of feeling, more like I was visiting my memories. Last thing I heard was nurse calling my name - "Sienna Hawke" - ringed through my ears.
In my mind I saw pictures of my loved ones but not your typical photos, my mum's face changed from a wizard to even bread, dad's face glitched a bit and my friend looked like a dragon in triangle shape.
It was very humorous at first, until I didn't know how to come back to the reality. Maybe I was dreaming but would I be able to feel my dreams usually?
I went back to reality, when I felt a sharp needle cutting deep in to my skin but as it turns out it wasn't even a bit dramatic like I thought it was ; to nurse's defence she was giving me vitamins.
Right beside my hospital bed I saw my mum sleeping on an uncomfortable looking chair, she was pale and looked devastated. My dad came in the room and with him coming right to my side my mum woke up the very same second. They both hugged me very tightly and told me that I was fine and everything is gonna be alright but I must say these words were not comforting as they maybe should've felt.
Later after I came to my senses I went to a CT where they scanned my brain. After the doctor assured I was ready to check out I had a glance of my mother's face at the counter listing through paper bills, when my mum catched my eyes darting at hers she pulled an innocent, small smile that seemed to be barely holding on it's string.
Ride in the car was quiet but loud, in fact louder than any noise I ever heard.
On the car ride I was thinking until it turned into overthinking. I thought about the whole situation for a bit and wondered how I spent more time worrying and having a non stop "what if" mentality plus listening to people's own experiences instead of making my own, where I am gonna have a story to look back in the future or even a lesson that's gonna help me make better choices in the future.
At home I heard my parents argue about money. I know it was never tough but it wasn't easy enough to spend it on more than we need.
School was slightly better, I had a blast telling everybody that they took my brain out of my head, it wasn't really true but they will never know.
My health state was getting better but sometimes I could still feel some objects around me changing from small to big and the other way around.
I thought the day this "weird motions" (if I should call them that) happened was the day I went through the famous day where my life will change and never be the same but now knowing what's ahead of me, I think that was just a pre sequel of what is happening currently.
I was sat in the living room which already meant something happened. My mum held my hand softly and dad looked at me with glass eyes. The Day where everything changed was exactly this day March 19th at 5:22 o'clock, my mother released these words from her mouth - "Angel, your CT results came back" - she said while catching for a breath trying to finish what she wanted to say.
"CT scan caught a tumor in your brain"...
I stared at her blankly, then at my dad who cut the eye contact. Then my dad interrupted "Also, the tumor didn't come out of nowhere; your migraines and shapes you were seeing is called ˝Alice in Wonderland syndrome˝".
"Like the book?"
"Exactly."
I didn't know how to even react, should I cry or wallow the whole day denying what I just heard.
I was in my bed researching about the syndrome, until I couldn't mentally look at it anymore.
Two months later I was back at hospital ready for the surgery that may or may not succeed.
Walking through wide and white hallway with a pretty specific smell, thinking about everything but not too much. I hugged my parents tightly and I wanted to say something but words were never to be found so I just gave them my widest smile, and I was given an anesthesia.
Counting to 100 backwards, beeping machines everywhere and metal equipment I only heard about in chemistry class - there wasn't much to do only a thing I am best at and that is thinking.
Maybe I woke up during the procedure I panicked, before I looked to the left and saw my mum.
The very same person in the same chair, I touched her hand slowly and held it tight, I guess mums never sleep deeply, always with one part of each sense awake.
She hugged me not too tight but it was the most loveable hug I ever got. Soon my dad came in with the nurses and everybody started clapping, which did hurt my ears a bit but I don't mind it now.
I was an officially survivor of a brain tumor and inspired to put Alice in Wonderland posters in my bedroom. I promised to myself to never wait for life to happen, because life happens every day but I am in charge how it happens; of course there are things that I can't control and no I can't make my own life the way I want to but I can head to right direction.
As I grew older I became more passionate and interested in my case of Alice in Wonderland syndrome.
I opened a YouTube channel where I shared my experience with it and my issue with overthinking. I wanted to be somebody kids could feel safe to talk with, so I choose a degree in psychology.
In life I wrote, helped people, traveled to every continent and most importantly I grew to become the happiest and healthiest version of me.
Maybe it wasn't psychology trick of fear, maybe it was just Life.