August was walking through a park. The same path he walked through a million times. Over and over again. He knew it like it was a part of himself. Because it was. He could name every tree, every flower, every bench in that sacred place. The one he grew up in. The one that raised him. It had been his anchor through every hardship in his life. That's why he always returned. To this warm, warm place.
And today was one of those days when he needed the comfort the most.
His father died.
He was wearing a dark outfit which expressed his grief and sadness. The heavy coat was acting like armor. There was wind in his hair, creating slight waves. It made his eyes tear up slightly from the cold. Or maybe it was the sadness he couldn't admit to anyone.
Especially himself.
His steps were slow, deliberate. Until he reached a bench he usually sat at. It was his bench. He carved his initials in it with a small pocketknife when he was 13 years old. He still kept it close to him, tucked in one of his pockets. Just in case he found an apple to eat. He always had those 'what if' questions which made him who he was. He valued that little knife, the one his grandpa gave him years before he passed.
Soon, he let himself fall onto the bench, knowing it would catch him. He landed hard with a sigh of a man whose whole life just flipped upside down. He immediately felt better with someone holding him upright because he felt too heavy to hold himself up.
He was feeling horrible. Sad, horrified and lonely. But at the same time? He thought:
"Is he really gone? Is my dad really gone?"
It didn't feel real. The person who had raised him along with the park, who had taught him everything he knew, was gone? Just like that?
He was aware it happened but at the same time, he didn't accept it.
"But, what if... this is just a dream? What if he is still here?", was the thought that popped up in his mind once too many times, raising hope that would never be comforted.
He gripped the pocketknife, his knuckles white. It usually brought back the words of the wisest person he had ever known. His grandpa. He was the person who knew exactly what to say or do in every situation. But, today... It was silent. No memory. Nothing could fix this.
So, with no escape. He let himself drown in infinite thoughts.
After what felt like hours, his phone rang. Oh, God... He didn't feel like talking to anyone. But he was still a kind respectable person. Reluctantly, he pulled out his phone.
The contact that lit up on his phone was his uncle's.
With a sigh, he answered and put the phone to his ear.
"Hey, kiddo. Where are you?" His uncle's voice came through the phone's speaker. Tired but determined.
August hated how he treated him as if he was still a kid and not a 26-year-old man. A grown man. He forced his soft, nice voice. But still kept his sentences short.
"At the park." August answered.
"When are you coming over? We got your dad's house keys. The police let us have them." His uncle answered, trying to sound more positive.
August's felt his blood run cold. He wasn't sure if he could handle coming back to that house.
It was filled with beautiful memories but it still felt weird... Coming back when his father wouldn't be waiting for him there with open arms. So, he replied, subtly trying to avoid that situation.
"I don't know. I'm busy."
"Oh, come on, Aug. Your father just died! I know you aren't busy."
Oh.
A bitter reminder of the situation.
August tried to hold back the tears. But, his eyes were stinging. His throat started to tighten...
"He would want-"
The line cut dead. Silence became loud. August was couldn't bear to listen to his uncle remind him the cruelty of this.
His chest was heaving as he tried to hold himself back from sobbing. But, it was hard... So hard.
Many minutes later, slowly but surely. August calmed down. His heart still racing but he was finally okay. His uncle forgotten.
He hugged himself to warm his body up in this cold weather. He couldn't feel his fingers anymore but he still stayed.
"Just a little bit longer...", he thought.
He still wanted the comfort of this place a bit longer before he faced his uncle and his father's house. Even after a near emotional breakdown, August reminded himself that he was an adult. A grown man. He had to face difficulties like a man should. He had to be strong.
Soon, he clenched one of his hands around his pocketknife and the other around his sleeve, before getting up.
As he took a deep breath, he prepared himself to start walking. His steps were heavy at first until he moved automatically.
He focused his eyes on the sky. Ironically thinking his father was up there, watching over him.
He didn't believe those things, he never did.
After a little while, he arrived at the parking lot where his car was parked. He got inside. Buckled his seatbelt. Checked his rear mirror. And with a scoff, started the engine.
The ride was silent. The radio muted. August didn't like listening to music. He usually tolerated it but today, he hated it.
As he neared his father's house, his heart started racing. He could see his uncle's car parked on the side of the road in the distance.
Soon, he parked in the driveway that his uncle left empty for him.
At first, August sat for a couple of minutes, composing himself. Until he finally got the courage to step out of the car.
Slowly, he made his way to the front door. His heart racing but mind desperately trying to block the nervousness.
"It's okay..", repeated in his mind continously, but the voice wasn't his. It was his grandfather's.
Out of habit, he just walked in. No knocking, no ringing the bell, not even yelling a simple "I'm here!". It still felt like his home.
He looked around. Everything looked the same. Untouched. Everything was in the same spot as it used to be. He hoped for silence. But, from the living room, he heard his uncle and aunt talking. He didn't listen and wasn't interested in their conversation. He automatically walked towards them and greeted them with a stoic voice.
"Hey, I'm here."
He didn't know what to expect, but he wasn't expecting to see his uncle upset. With a hint of anger.
"I seriously don't get you, August! I do my best to be by your side. But you always, ALWAYS push me away. Can't you have at least A LITTLE respect for your elders?!" His uncle said in a stern and slightly raised voice.
"You what? You try your best to be by my side? You were barely a part of my life apart from the first 9 birthdays! You do not try anything." August responded defensively. And before his uncle could continue, he stormed off upstairs. He didn't want to snap at him more than he had just now.
Without thinking, he burst into his father's bedroom. A room he was never allowed in when he was a child.
He looked around, taking it all in. This felt wrong. So wrong. But his father was gone, who could stop him?
He cautiously sat on the king-sized bed as it creaked under his weight. He studied the room more. Taking in every corner. And then, noticed a box. It looked like it was in a rough state. Some spiderwebs stuck on it, some dust on top and a couple of stains.
Out of curiosity, August pulled it closer to the bed so he wouldn't have to get up.
He tore off the tape that was holding the top two flaps together.
Inside... There were old photo albums, magazines and some journal.
He took out the first photo album which was the easiest to reach. He opened it and his heart immediately squeezed.
His baby pictures...
And after a few pages?
His little sister's pictures.
Julliet.
Gosh... 13 years have passed since the day she went missing. She was too young. Only 5 years old. But that's the trauma he managed to regulate. It hurt. But less that it has. He put the album away because he was now blinking his tears away. Not letting them fall.
He continued to rummage through the box. And underneath an old magazine, he found a camera. That was the camera that defined his childhood memories. Everywhere he went, his father followed with that same old camera, making life-long memories.
Surprisingly, it was charged.
August was still vulnerable. But the intrusive thoughts won. He started flipping through the pictures. There were pictures of flowers, paintings, the sunset.. There was so much of it. So, August lifted his legs on the bed, getting comfortable, and continued looking through the photographs.
Over the next hour, he went through a whirl of emotions. Happiness, sadness, confusion.
He slowed down once he got to a picture that woke up a sickening feeling. It was a picture at Disneyland. In the picture was his mother. She still looked happy, in love. It was clearly taken before she and his dad divorced. But, that wasn't what bothered him.
It was the day his sister went missing.
The day that changed everything.
He continued flipping through the photos until.. His heart stopped. Blood running cold in his veins. And he stopped breathing for a moment.
His father was taking a picture of his mother. But in the background?... There she was.
Julliet.
She was holding a stranger's hand. But instead of horror, she had the brightest smile on her face. She was walking with him. Clearly thinking she made a new friend. She looked so happy, so no one noticed. It all seemed... normal. Warm. Cheerful. But it was all caused by a child's innocence and his parents' carelessness. He didn't understand how his father didn't catch that.
Maybe he did.
But August couldn't get an answer. Not anymore.
Was this real? Was this really happening. He didn't know. He was lost. So lost.
He dropped the camera in disbelief. Making the lens shatter into a hundred pieces. His tears finally came out. Flowing out freely.
All this could've been stopped if his father simply noticed. But it didn't make sense! She was right there! She could've been saved! August couldn't blame the strangers. Julliet looked undeniably happy. But for his father to not notice his own daughter being taken away from him? It made no sense! Was it on purpose?
Before August could continue overthinking. His uncle entered. He was worried once he heard the camera hit the floor.
"Aug? You alright?" He asked August cautiously, testing the waters.
"I don't get it! I don't!" August choke out. "How didn't he see her?"
His uncle quickly sat next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.
"Hey... Just breathe..."
He noticed the camera and the box. He connected the dots. But didn't question further.
August let himself relax in the embrace. Accepting any form of comfort.
After that day... His question remained unanswered. He was filled with turmoil. Betrayal. Disbelief. Heartbreak.. It was all weighing him down. He could never silence it. But one question stuck with him.
"If he missed her, what else did he miss?.."