After not seeing someone for a long time, and not knowing how they are, anything related to them is just not important. But when something happens, everything changes, and life isn't the way it was before. Time moves slower, and you feel like everything you said and did is forever forgotten and invaluable.
When he was a child, Ethan, his father Andrew, and his mother Josie lived in a beautiful mansion just outside of New York. On the outside, it seemed like he had it all, but his life was far from perfect. Ethan's parents divorced when he was 9 years old, and they gave him a choice: either to stay with his father in New York or go to Texas with his mother. That decision was going to determine the rest of his life. Since his mother was always working long hours and he barely saw her, he chose his father, not knowing why his father spent so much time with him. He now studies law at Yale Law School, but not by choice, but because of his father's legacy. Ethan's father, Andrew, is one of the biggest lawyers in New York. He attended Yale, graduated with honors, and opened his first law firm at the age of 23. You can only imagine what kind of pressure poor Ethan has to endure, considering what his father accomplished at the age when he was only 2 years older than him. "Since I can remember, my father tried to teach me that you don't get anywhere in life if everything you do is a copy of someone else's behavior, but I don't get how he doesn't recognize himself in that sentence. All he wants is that I finish school and come to work for him. Okay, yes, he didn't have a law firm as a legacy, but his goal is that I finish school and by the age of 23 make a name for myself." It was the day of his 21st birthday, and at 5 am sharp, there was a knock on his dorm door. It was Andrew, standing there in a grey suit with patches on his elbows and a white tie, which the sun colored in shades of pink and orange. "Happy Birthday, son," said Andrew as he gave him a box neatly wrapped in green wrapping paper. Ethan's smile died down as he opened the gift. His eyes swolen from waking up so early, teared up. As a gift, his father gave him his mother's gold pendant, which had been passed down many generations, along with a note saying, "This is your responsibility now, Ethan." Ethan thanked him and sent him on his way. For the rest of the morning, he lay in bed, not even getting out of his sweatsuit until it was time to go to brunch with his girlfriend, Breanna, or as they like to call her, Bre. He went to brunch and had the best time with Bre since she is the one who always puts a smile on his face, but today was different. Andrew's morning visit completely ruined his day. Ethan couldn't believe that his father was so awful. All he could think about was what if he decided to live with his mom 12 years ago. He got back to his dorm at around noon, sad and tired. "There is one thing I need to do," said Ethan as he was looking in the mirror and getting ready for the rest of his day. He pulled out his phone and searched "Mom" in his contacts.
"Hi, I...", "I know I haven't...", "How are you...". Those were the ideas of messages he wanted to send to his mom. He spent the day rewriting a message, which was never supposed to be this difficult. At around 2 pm, Bre came to his dorm. "Why weren't you in class? Prof. Brown was worried, and so was I!" she said. "Is it really 2? I was so focused on writing the message that I forgot to go to class. I'm sorry I worried you," replied Ethan. He was so upset that he couldn't even write a simple message to his mom; it wasn't like he was writing a message to the president. Bre said that it's time to take a little break, maybe go for a walk, and that everything would be better. He listened, and they went for a walk, and he bought a lemonade to support a charity. When he got back to his dorm, he continued brainstorming. With his hands shaking and chest pounding, he wrote the perfect message. Although he was happy with how the message looked, all he could think about was whether he could live normally if the reply were a rejection. This is what he sent her. "Hi mom, I've thought about writing to you for years...and now I finally am. I'm sorry for everything, for the distance and the silence. Can we meet? Even for just a little while?" he pressed send. He showed the message to Bre, and she couldn't hold her tears as she squeezed him tight. "I didn't know you carried this weight all this time, you know, I am always here?" Ethan didn't respond; he just hugged her tight.
The intercom buzzed. "Attention, students. If you haven't already done so, now is the time to sign up for the family day at school. The number is limited; therefore, if you want to take part, hurry to the administration's office." At that moment, Ethan couldn't help but think, what if his mother came? Wouldn't that be good for their relationship? But then Bre told him, "Don't you think that you will ruin the relationship with your father and the chances to work for him?" "I don't know what to do. But I'm almost certain that sending that message was a huge mistake." When Bre left at around 4 pm, only Ethan and his phone remained. He looked through the window, then at his phone, and back and forth. With his fingers shaking, eyes tearing up, and one last moment of thought, he clicked on the message and pressed delete. The glowing screen turned off as he turned off his phone and put it aside. There were still ten seconds to undo, delete. He didn't even flinch, but then reality hit. At that moment, he realized that there was no chance that he would reconnect with his mother. The day went on, but everything felt off.
By the time he had dinner scheduled, he regretted his decision about a million times. He kept checking his phone and hoping that in that short time the message was sent, his mother saw the message and decided to reply. After an hour, Ethan realized she wasn't going to reply. After an hour, Ethan realized she wasn't going to reply. Small moments felt heavier. "Everything is better than sitting here and sulking, maybe it's best if I go to the gym, let some steam out," said Ethan whilst looking in the mirror. He went to the gym, and the phone was left face down on the bed.
By the time he got back from the gym, it was already 6 pm. He had two options: to stay in his room or to go out to a party with his friends. Instead of staying alone in his dorm, he got ready, and just as he was closing the door, his phone rang. Ethan was really happy because he thought his mother saw that a message was deleted and decided to reach out. Little did he know his evening was about to be turned upside down. "Hi, this is Mike. I saw that you sent a message to this number, so I wanted to reach out. I wish I didn't have to be the one to tell you this, but the person who was the previous owner of this phone sadly passed away a few months ago. I don't know much about this situation, but I'll send the information about the network provider here in Texas, and maybe they can help you contact the next of kin. If you knew this person, I'm truly sorry for your loss." Ethan's jaw dropped. He didn't even flinch, and he just let Mike do all the talking. After what felt like an eternity, Mike said he needed to leave. Ethan replied with "I don't know you, but thanks for being so compassionate, it is a delicate matter after all. Take care," and hung up. Ethan didn't even think to say that he was her son, but what difference does that make to a stranger? For many people, the next logical step would be to call the other living parent or partner, both of whom he had, but in true Ethan fashion, he called the number Mike gave him and set out on a mission to find out what exactly happened. He spent almost the entire evening talking to people who were close to her, and just as he was about to call it quits, he got in touch with her widowed husband, who is actually his stepdad if you think about it. His name is Roger, and he owns an auto repair shop in Dallas, Texas. After talking to him for about 15 minutes, he got all the information he was looking for. "Well, this really cleared up everything, thank you, Roger. You helped me a lot. And again, my condolences. Best of luck with everything," said Ethan just as he put the phone down. With tears in his eyes, he called Bre and told her to come to the dorm as he had a couple of things to share with her. Bre came at 9:30 pm, and they spent the whole night talking. He told her what happened just like Roger told him. Supposedly, Josie was driving home from a night shift at the hospital where she worked. It was really late, and she was tired after completing a 13-hour shift that left her exhausted. As the fire marshal stated in his report, the best explanation is that she fell asleep at the wheel and lost control of the car. "As much as this hurts, nothing hurts more than finding out this news this late and having to call almost a dozen people to find this out. Wasn't I important to her? Did she really hate me? Maybe one day I'll find everything out, but for now, this is enough," he mumbled. Ethan called his father telling him the news, but as it turned out, his father knew everything all along. That was the last straw; Ethan stormed out to the admissions office that was open for another 15 minutes, and he dropped out of law school. Bre was really proud of him and said that he can always count on her. Andrew used to tell him, "Your mother would be really proud of you, our little lawyer." If he said that in general, fine, but he told him that very sentence a couple of days prior. The fact that his father knew everything whilst acting like everything was normal and refused to tell him made him feel enraged. From always feeling like he let his father down, to standing up for himself and not letting anyone puppet him, it's evolution at its finest. "There will always be a part of me that wishes I sent the message as soon as I got to college, or just months prior, but the fact that I'm free now and do not need to live in anyone else's shadow is a win. With the loss of my mom, I lost the only opportunity to find the reason for the divorce and everything that was happening at the time, and that will forever be my biggest regret-the message I never sent, the fact I was a coward and didn't reach out." That was the day Ethan started journaling. This was the first page, a dedication to mom. Also, he sent a copy to Roger, the person who gave him clarity. Seeing him finally at peace made everyone close to him excited for his future achievements.
Fast forward 8 years. Ethan hasn't spoken to his father since he dropped out of college, and he's been happier than ever. He has now finished medical school in honor of his mother, Josie, and is a resident in a hospital in Dallas. He and his now wife, Bre, moved there because being close to his father was exhausting. "That day I promised myself that from now on, everything I do will be to help someone and to prevent a tragedy that happened to my mom not to happen to anyone else." Ethan learnt that if someone spends time with you, it doesn't necessarily mean they have good intentions, and maybe they are just using you to project their own failure and disappointment. When he got older, he reached out to Andrew when he first wanted to because he didn't want a situation like with his mother to happen again, but Andrew didn't want to have anything to do with Ethan and just ignored him. "I will forever remember my 21 st birthday, because that was the day that changed everything." From that day on, he lived by the line that life is too short and that silence has consequences, too.